I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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