Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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