it hurts more in the daytime
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
