woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
