just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
cat food counts as protein by the way
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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