When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
