If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
