we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
