He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize