THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
