he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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