All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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