Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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