mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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