that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
