Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
