I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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