If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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