I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize