I hope mine doesn't look like that
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
