Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
