Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize