Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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