Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
