Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
