i think i have two assholes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
