My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize