The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
