You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
