my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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