P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this will be a night to untag.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
