Where is the hickey?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
