apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize