You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm really busy with my period
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