90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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