Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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