How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
