i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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