Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
