Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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