Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
