meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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