I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
