If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize