I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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