I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
