Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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