I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
