dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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