i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
