I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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