I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
