When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
