I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When are your genitals available?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
