I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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