do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
