When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
