We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
