it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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