Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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