I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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