I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
