she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
