Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize