I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
