her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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