wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
