Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
