You're completely useless in the revolution.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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