sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
