in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need to sanitize my soul.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
