oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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