But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
